Endless BS thread

[Dr Crankenstein]

Going (somewhat) with crate's post...

My phone rings at the office and I answer...

Her: "Hi. I'm wondering if I can ship my Amazon order to your address."

Me: "Uhhhmmm, I guess so. Why here?"

Her: "Well, I've done it before and somebody's always there to receive it, right? There's nobody at the house and I don't want to miss it."

Me: "OK, but I'll ask again, why here? It's no skin off my back, you can ship it anywhere you want... but, if you ship it here, I'll need a name and ph# so I can call when it arrives."

Her: "It's your WIFE."

She NEVER calls me at work and trust me, I get strange calls and strange questions all the time.

Same day. I get home from work before she does. She comes through the door and I said, "Hi. Who the hell are you?"

.

 

[earthman]

I have found and returned 5 wallets over the years.

 

[billy]

Q. What did Mr. Spock find in the mens room on the main deck of the Enterprise?
A. The Captains log.

 

[Sam_Fear]

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."
The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!"

"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'"

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'
"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!"

"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world."

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible."

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head. "

 

[earthman]

 

[23crate]

Harry and the fridge

A 72-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back normal so the doctor says, "Harry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Harry replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof!, the light goes on. When I'm done, poof!, the light goes off."

"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Harry's wife. "Mrs. White," he says, "Harry is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"

"OH GOOD GRIEF!" Mrs. white exclaims,
"He's pee-ing in the fridge again!"

 

[kenny c]

[cl

 

[Old Iron]

Thx for the morning laugh [cl

 

[forbigpicture]

 

[23crate]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha[cl[cl

good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
\

 

[Got Rust?]

Just a heads up, they will no longer be selling those plastic bags of shredded cheese in grocery stores as of Jan. 20th 2017.





going to try to make America grate again.

 

[Snake Farm]

Just a heads up, they will no longer be selling those plastic bags of shredded cheese in grocery stores as of Jan. 20th 2017.





going to try to make America grate again.

[cl[cl[cl That's funny!

Coincidentally that's what it's gonna take......people doing a little more for themselves instead of having it handed to them.


.

 

[Old Iron]

[cl[cl[cl
Right on

 

[23crate]

Apple computers latest breakthrough

Apple computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip


that can store and play stereo music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost between $499 and $699, depending on ‘speaker size’.


This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

 

[Sam_Fear]

Lol!!! I really didn't know where that was going! [cl[cl

 

[earthman]

I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane’s dog and she was like,
“I’ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?”

 

[earthman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5pTSX8p-6c

 

[23crate]

ahem..

 

[skull]

hospital in I am

the right knee that has making me fall and hurting all the time is gone.

nice looking stainless steel & teflon coated replacement. but man am l sore couple months of P.T and should be good to go.

Will take abit longer to put a couple projects Together in the slow season and l fugger its better this done now instead of the middle or start of rodden, season.

Later

 

[forbigpicture]

Good luck with your rehab Skull.....and speedy recovery...