Endless BS thread

Rat Rods Rule

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An old Texas rancher name of Clyde was involved in a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hotshot city lawyer, was questioning old Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite Seed Bull, Magnum, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Magnum into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in ole Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite Seed Bull, Magnum".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Magnum, my favorite Seed Bull, into the trailer and was driving him down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Magnum was thrown into the other. I was hurting, really bad, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Magnum moaning and groaning. I knew he was in terrible shape just by his groans.
Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came to the scene. He could hear Magnum moaning and groaning as well, so he went over to him. After he looked at Magnum and saw his fatal condition, he took out his pistol and shot him right between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me your Honor, what the heck would you say?"
I dropped my pos welding helmet... :mad:
...rant over... :p


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I just crawled out from under the Nuttin Special. You know you just can't stump jump and log roll with a 5 1/2" scrub line...:rolleyes:
Dutch, your broken welding helmet reminded me of that. I had to weld a bracket back in place that I tore off my cross member. I was starting to lose daylight. Looking around for my helmet and it wasn't where I usually hang it on a hook by the welder. I remember giving my grandson my old helmet last weekend when he was here. Thinking that he had taken my good one instead, I was stomping around looking for it and using a few choice words. The only thing I could find was one that resembled your pic. An ancient one that was all busted up was all I could find. Then I remembered I had welded last down at the sawmill and found my good one there. Saved embarrassing myself with a call to him to bring it back. Of all the things I've lost over the years with age, it's my mind I miss the most.
I guess with age ,stories like that start piling up... running around, cursing, looking for reading glasses while they are right there on the old nose :D

The pos welding helmet was only 3 months old.
With the reading glasses also comes the need for light to see where you weld and such. This helmet did not like any work light. It immediately shuts.
Yesterday it started acting up while welding. After 4 or 5 times looking straight into the bead, it suddenly fell to the floor. :rolleyes:

The eyes are still sore tho...
Since I've retired, I don't do much welding any more. These days, it seems like every time I want to weld, the batteries in the helmet are dead. When you only weld about once a month, the cost of those little flat batteries add up fast.

So, I have gone back to the old school helmet, but I keep forgetting to lower the helmet before I strike the arch, or I have the helmet down and can't figure out why it won't light up anymore after I'm done with a bead. [S :(

This old age is tough. LOL! :D
Frank has shingles.
�Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?
�Here's what happened to Frank :

� Frank walked into a Doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Frank said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, and medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.�� Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Frank what he had....�Frank said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Frank to wait in the examining room.�� A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Frank what he had. Frank said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Frank a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Frank to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Frank sitting patiently in the nude and asked Frank what he had.���
Frank said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'
�Frank said, 'Outside on the truck.
Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
Help With Math The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office & said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia & I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

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